What an honour and a privilege it is to have been able to capture a photo of Donald Trump’s toupée in its natural environment.

Taking a brief holiday from its duties covering the former US President’s bald head, this Flannel Moth Caterpillar was photographed late one evening in the jungles of the Colombian Amazon. It was about the size of my hand – a truly huge caterpillar that looked more like a small mammal than an insect – and I sat staring at it with a confused expression for several moments before I finally worked out what it was.

Now I know what you’re thinking. You want to pat it, don’t you? It’s so fluffy! And surely it deserves a scratch behind the ears for its selfless efforts to cover up the insecurities of a vain, narcissistic megalomaniac. However, if you happen to come across a Trump toupée, either in the wild or on his head, it’s very important that you don’t pat it.

Firstly, we don’t want the former president to think we’re giving him any kind of praise – he’s a sociopath. But secondly, many caterpillars have what are called ‘urticating hairs’ – which is science for ‘don’t touch or you’ll be in a lot of pain’. While most will just leave you with a very itchy rash, some even have the ability to induce fevers and make you quite sick. So unless you know your caterpillars, be sure to admire them from a distance!

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Flannel Moth Caterpillar (Megalopygidae), Leticia, Colombia