“Hey! You’re a Green Tree Frog, right? Tell me a bit about yourself!”

“My thought is me: that’s why I can’t stop. I exist because I think… and I can’t stop myself from thinking. At this very moment – it’s frightful – if I exist, it is because I am horrified at existing. I am the one who pulls myself from the nothingness to which I aspire.”

“Um. Woah. Okay… I just meant some interesting facts for a post I’m writing about you. Like how you’re one of the most popular exotic pets in the world due to your docile nature?”

“I am. I am, I exist, I think, therefore I am; I am because I think, why do I think? I don’t want to think any more, I am because I think that I don’t want to be, I think that I… because… ugh!”

“Or… how your skin secretions have antibacterial and antiviral properties?”

“I do not think, therefore I am a moustache.”

“Oh Christ, I’ll do it myself…”

Green Tree Frogs are native to Australia and New Guinea and are one of the largest frogs found in the region – growing up to 12cm in length. They prefer to inhabit cool, damp environments and are consequently commonly found in toilet bowls and drain pipes. Green Tree Frogs squeak when touched and will even scream if threatened in order to ward off predators. However, they will simply sit quietly and stare into the middle distance when pondering the complex nature of their own existence.

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Green Tree Frog (Litoria caerulea) caught mid-existential crisis, Caranbirini Conservation Reserve, Australia

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*Green Tree Frog quotations taken from Nausea by Jean-Paul Sartre